RESTAURANT RAGE
I have read of road rage, been roughly jostled in an incident of “bus rage” and have witnessed “supermarket rage” [in which, in the UK, customers fight over the last Brussels sprout just before closing time on Christmas Eve]. None of these is excusable but they are, I suppose, understandable because they usually involve people who feel at the end of their tether. Not long before I left the UK [I now live in Italy] I experienced, in the city of Bristol, an occurrence of “restaurant rage” and to this day I find the reasons for it totally incomprehensible:
Bristol is the city where I spent my formative years so when I felt in need of a change of scenery I would often take the train over there from Cardiff, visit some galleries, have lunch and wander around the streets of my childhood.
On this particular occasion, a glorious summer’s day, I decided to have lunch in a waterfront restaurant belonging to a now defunct chain. I settled myself at a window table in the non-smoking section and was happily sipping my apéritif when a couple sat down at the next table. The woman immediately lit a cigarette. Now, the ban on smoking in public places came into force in England on Sunday and, whatever your opinion about that, I hope you don’t think it is OK to light up in the non-smoking section of a restaurant where there is an equally large [and it was empty] smoking area. None of the nearby staff blinked an eyelid, so I politely asked the lady if she realised that she was in the non-smoking section: “I’ll wait till they tell me” she replied in a broad American accent, blowing smoke in my direction. Admittedly I am sensitive about this as I am asthmatic and cigarette smoke can trigger an attack, but I patiently asked her to desist twice more, to no avail. Finally I decided I was paying for this meal and wasn’t going to be made to feel uncomfortable so I mentioned the situation quietly to a member of staff, who asked the couple to move. With that, the woman marched up to me and got as close as she could possibly get without actually sitting in my lap. She made a gesture which I’ll leave to your imagination and yelled, “Up yours, lady. Right up.” Everyone in the room stopped drinking, eating or serving to stare but no one did a thing. [This was Britain, remember!] I realised, then, that what this person wanted was my window table, so for the sake of peace, I began to move. Then she made the mistake of cooing: “Oh, you changing your table, honey? Oh, goodie, now we can sit here. I’ll just help you clear your mess.” I sat down again and resolved to stay put.
After that, all was well till I ordered a dessert and then Madam sauntered up to me again: “You still stuffing yourself, honey? Look at the size of you!” [For the record, I am a healthy British size 16, as are the majority of British women.] I said coolly, “It’s a restaurant and, strange though it my seem to you, it is customary to eat in one.” I thought she was going to hit me then but she strutted back to the smoking section.
By then, however, I felt so intimidated that when I wanted to use the bathroom, I asked a female bartender to accompany me, as I was afraid of being followed and physically attacked. The management should, of course, have thrown this female out [their excuse was that the "regular manager" was on holiday and they didn't know what to do] and I should have refused to pay the bill. However, I just wanted to get out of there without further hassle and I felt uneasy until I had walked at least two streets further on.
Looking back, what amazed me was that this woman’s husband / partner uttered not a word throughout this performance. [Again, you can draw your own conclusions as to the reason for that!]
The days have long gone - though I am old enough to remember them - when women dining alone were automatically shown to the table behind the swing doors of the kitchen, but I think this incident does say something about how women on their own can still be treated when they eat out. I have friends in Britain who, if they have to spend a night in a hotel without their partner, will not venture into the restaurant. I chide them for being pathetic, but if I related this tale to them it would hardly make them more confident, would it?
Has anyone else experienced “restaurant rage”?
July 3rd, 2007 at 6:27 pm
I certainly have…often! It was always me, though…when I was under pressure cheffing in restaurants…kitchen rage!
No…I’ve not experienced “restaurant rage” while dining. I’m glad you didn’t let yourself be intiminated by that woman. I probably would have “inadvertently” knocked a glass of red over her!
I’m used to dining alone, having done so for many years and it doesn’t worry me at all. I think I’d be more worried if I had a “date” sitting opposite me at a restaurant table these days!
I’ve never been one to sit in a corner out of sight and the way, and if I sit at a bar…I sit right in the middle of it.
July 4th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
Americans have accents’? I have not seen behavior like that. Very petty stuff like cutting in line and the odd family argument, yes. But intimidating a lone diner out of their seat, no. That she is a foreigner in England treating an English woman so rudely is very strange. Something besides manners is missing in her, or she is some sort of self proclaimed celebrity. I think odds are good (increasing the further South you are) other patrons would have come to your defense here in the States. How do you think would this have played out in Sicily? (asking politely, just curious)
From this, http://www.jackiedanicki.com/?p=928 combined with your experience is not an accurate survey of butt head behavior over there, but this seems to happen a lot.